Who, me?

Hookay, how do I write this without offending my fellow workin girls? 

Who cares,  this is MY world. Domination at last!!!  MUAHAHAHAHA  

But truly, How do I not offend my fellow sistren? Perhaps, I’ll make a lame attempt by prefacing with: ”Sorry ladies.”   This is the only attempt I’ll make in soften the blow.

 I’m am so tired of reading provider bios with words so archaic/ill  placed/used SO incorrectly that I have to look the word up, even though I SWORE I knew the meaning of it. The bigger and more complex words you use, will not make us think you are smarter than you really are.  WE WILL KNOW! 

Case in point: The other day, I read an escort bio that made me dampen myself with laughter.  I was surfing a reputable escort site and    Oh yeah, I don’t have to speak in code in blog world. Woo hoo!   I was on Eros, checkin out the ladies, and came across a cutiepie, who shall remain nameless. 

Even though I’m pretty she won’t read this.  She didn’t strike me as the type who read for pleasure, or information for that matter. We live in an icon world.  Just do what what pictures tell you, honey!

After skimming a page contructed mainly of cut and pastes, cliches, and the like, she ended her shpeel with the phrase, “I’d just love to aprpriate your aquaitance.” 

……..WTF did you just say?!!? 

Why couldn’t you just say, “Can’t wait to see you!” and put a winky face behind it? As trite as this phrase and gesture seem, you can’t fukk them up. Trust me, we would have respected you a lot more.   Well, maybe just I would have…

So my thought of the day is… 

Give a man a fish,

Give a dumb hoe a thesaurus, she’ll use every bloody word in it.  Teach her to write from the heart, you’ll end up with the same amount of fukkery just shorter.  And with more spelling mistakes.  And probably scribbles and hearts and shit in the margins. ok ok ok ok, I’ll stop.

and that ain’t good!  Ah yes, the blog. finally i can be one the millions who cowardly vent their frustrations from behind the wireless curtain. Let me start with my latest…..

Really, gentlemen,  can you smell yourself  before visiting an escort?  My mama always told me, you can smell yourself before other people do.  Then why can’t you smell  the fishy aroma emanating from your nether regions?  I LOVE the smell of man. Mmmmm,  Musky and delicious. But goddamn! I can’t STAND funky ballz!  Especially when my face has to be down there and my cooter has to swallow your cock.  So I ask you, before seeing a lady, while in your car, shove your hand down your pants and take a whiff of your fingers.  Yeah the old  shove and whiff.  Then ask yourself, “WWVD”? What would Victoria do?  Would she be satisfied with the fresh just-from-the-shower scent or would she immediately go to CVS to purchase yeast infection cream and douche? If her hoo hoo smelled like your finger, would you put your face or willy there?  Or would you write a negative review on her and tell other hobbyist she smelled like death?  The sweating should come after I’m done with you (oh and it will), not before you walk into my sex palace.

Aahhh, that felt great, can’t wait to write my next one…